Even though I quit my full time job, complete with a salary and a health benefits package several months before Aria was born, the realization of what my new career path was all about hit me like a ton of bricks only a few weeks before. I found myself surprised by the intellectual, physical and emotional shift that came as my life went from meetings, meetings, meetings to feedings, feedings, feedings! I was a bit uncertain about the measure of my value and contribution to the work force. I also found that I felt I needed a completely new education in order to feel confident that I knew something about what I was going to be doing.
My co-workers have changed to two four legged friends and a sweet baby girl and artwork changes have been replaced by diaper changes. I now measure a successful day not by how many projects I completed but rather if I've brushed my teeth and taken a shower.
Compensation no longer comes as a direct deposit every other Friday, but rather in her first smile as she looks up at me while changing her diaper. Or the tenderness that comes as she lays her head on my shoulder and the peaceful little coos that seem to say “thank you” during those sleepless midnight feedings.
The health benefits of having this new baby can be measured in how many times my heart stings have been tugged as I continue to be reminded of how blessed I was to have been able to carry her through pregnancy and what a miracle it is that she is here with us after such a long and sorrowful road. Even from the second night of her life while in the hospital she cried out from her bassinet as if to say, “I love you momma”. And as I picked her up and held her close, she snuggled into me and fell fast asleep.
And as far as my value and contribution to the work force goes, I have complete responsibility for a small biological being that relies on me for everything. It may still be early in Aria’s life and perhaps I am just star struck and in awe at this wonderful new life that has come into mine, but the reward and satisfaction from the simplicity of watching her discover her fingers and in being her mom far outweighs any accomplishment I have pursued in any other job I have had thus far. What more could I ask from in a job and oh, how my life has changed forever!
2 comments:
Your words are so sweet! Lauren, I don't know you, but from one momma to another who has traded professional clothes and meetings, money and benefits, and at times even the respect of some who would believe that there is no value in the choice to stay home and raise one's own children, remember why you have made the choice to do so. There are sure to be good days and really really hard ones and when those hard days do come, which they will, just tell yourself "I can do hard things" then breath and hug your little girl. At that very moment she'll probably be in need of one just as much as you are.
Lauren, wow you are so good at putting this into words. I am truely finding this out now that my baby is 18. Imagine that it took me this long. what a wonderful way for me to look at things. I am learning everyday even at this late stage in my life and I am truely glad that I chose to come back home to stay with this wonderful boy of mine. They truely do grow up way too fast.
Miss you. And I am glad that you have this blog because you are still an inspiration to me.
thanks for sharing.
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